Mercy808’s blog

First Love Jitters

2008-04-03T08:03:33Z

Should I turn around?

No, I think he may be looking.

But maybe just a little peek.

Stop. Just focus on ahead.

Good. He went behind the building.

Does my hair look okay?

Why is my dress wrinkled?

Oh gosh, here he comes again.

Quick, frown and try to look bored.

No! Then he'll think I hate him.

Okay. Smile and talk to him.

But what if he discovers that I like him?

What? Someone else likes him?

That can't be, he's mine!

No actually he's not.

He's not labeled with my name.

Look! He's talking to her, are they going out?

Does he still like me?

Or did he even like me at all?

He touched her hand again!!

I'll be moving away soon and I'll miss him.

My heart feels like breaking, my chest hurts.

I'll be fine. There are other guys out there.

No. Not like him.

Why not like him?

Aren't they all the same?

Yes. That is true. There are others out there.

But this is my first love.

The most cherished and the hardest to let go.

My breathing is starting to speed up again.

Here he comes to say good-bye.

I can't do this.

Yes you can. You have to.

Why did I do that?

I can't believe I was so short with him!

Now he'll never know!

Know what?

He'll never know how much I love him

Written by: Mercy Brianne Luis

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The Shell of You

2008-04-02T21:25:15Z

The Shell of You

I remember laughter.
The sound of it tickled my ears,
reverberating a bitter-sweet after-taste of a memory.
My smile used to woo the corners of my eyes into a joyous furrow.
The warmth of its lovemaking left on my cheeks, a rosy stained hue.
The unabashed candor of my steps,
once a waltz I had thought would not end. 
It's destination humming a happily ever after.
Then like an eerie sound of quiet,
you clamor into my life.
Your presence an inky blackness, 
wrapped around my neck, a snake in a choking coil.
Your empty promises and whispers of love,
weighed heavily upon my steps, 
a chain and ball to my dance.
Time passed quickly.
Life, a distant light in the grimy void of a tunnel.
Into your bleak future, I am embraced.
At last, your demise is complete.
I stand before you, a broken mirror. 
Look at me. 
Am I what you wanted?
Look at me.
The shell of you.

Written by:

~Mercy Brianne Luis~

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The Shoebox

2008-04-01T11:05:24Z

There once was a couple that were planning to get married. Before the wedding took place the woman told the man, "You can never open this shoebox while we are married". So he agreed and they in time got married. Throughout their marriage he never once opened the shoebox but always wondered what was in there. Well, after 62 years of marriage his wife was in the hospital and the doctors told him that she will be passing on soon and it would be a good idea for him to spend as much time with her as possible. So he went to her and said to her, "In 62 years I never once opened the showbox you asked me not to open". She replied "Now would be a good time, go get it.." He brought it back and opened it to find two things: 2 doilies and $250,000 in cash. So he asked, "Why do you have this in here?" She said, "A long time ago my grandmother told me that when you get married, get a shoebox and when you get mad at your husband to make a doily." The husband, stunned, started tearing up because he knew that what that meant was she only got upset with him 2 times in 62 years He went on then to ask "If that's so, what is the deal with the $250,000?" She said....

"That is from all the doilies I sold."

(I was told this story by my husband who had heard it over the radio on a Christian radio station. Talk about "Aesop's Fables" in the 21st Century. haha!)

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A Lonely Road

2008-04-01T08:14:11Z

Walking down a lonely road
a weary young soldier went.
His head bent low, his expression grim,
his chivalrous spirit spent.

Gone were the days of playful laughter,
days of youthful vigor forgotten.
Gone was the dream of life ever after,
a fruit that had been so sweet, now rotten.

His gallant white steed now dirty and weak,
sorrow clung to him like grime and sweat.
Posture slumped and emotions bleak,
down that lonely road he went.

Wanting the light to set him free,
he limped to the church below.
His soul in pain, in agony,
his search for solace amongst the sorrow.


Written and Revised by: Mercy B. Luis

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~ The Result of Cynicism ~

2008-03-31T08:49:10Z

You ever thought to yourself that the one person you want to be with and you are inlove with is going to be the only person with whom you will spend the rest of your life with? Ever been so inlove with someone that you humble yourself in ways that even you didn't think you were capable of? For example: when you both argue and he's wrong, you would apologize because you just wanted things to be smooth again between the two of you?

Well, I thought that way once upon a time. I thought myself so inlove with this person that when we broke it off, not only was I shocked, I was devastated. The guy whom I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with left me for another person.

Well, that was a while ago. Almost a year, in fact. Situations have changed and I am once again inlove. This time to an awesome person who I connect with so well...on many levels...whether it be spiritual, physical or otherwise. The one thing that I honestly regret about this relationship is that I came into it with a cynicism about love; about men. I didn't really "hate" all men, I just realized that I can't trust them. You can even be "cliche" about it and say that "I was burned." lol. I guess I have been burned.

My point to this blog is that although situations may be different, the person I'm with now may be different...the past is still there. Because of this new cynicism that I've somehow developed, my relationship with the man in my life right now is somehow hesitant on my part. I am more hesitant to fully give my heart to him, I am very wary of humbling myself to him during arguments and disagreements because I don't want to seem like the weak one.

Worst of all, I've developed a new attitude about relationships. With my ex, whenever we would fight and bicker, because I would want things to be good between us, I would either apologize to him or I would try to beg him to forgive me (and that made me feel so stupid, but I was so inlove with him), and each time it seemed as if I would shrug it off and tell myself that it won't happen next time.

I was wrong. Each time it happenend, it got worse. Now, I've developed the "I don't put up with bullshit" attitude. Sad because I'm really not that kind of person, but I don't want the guy to think that he can just play his little mind games on me and keep getting away with it. Hell NO!

Well, I'll try to explain better next time. Right now I'm hella tired and I know that I probably don't make sense on half of this blog, but oh well. I don't care. Just wanted to vent in a way.

Thanks for that anyway.

See ya!

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A Child's Prerogative

2008-03-29T03:51:40Z

It's funny how we, as parents, tend to not only try to control our own lives, but also the lives of our children. Usually, this common mistake becomes apparent in the later stages of your child's life. Yes, we know those stages well..."The Teenage Years."

We tend to forget that our children have an agenda of their own. Even at the age of, lets say three, our children tend to voice their likes and dislikes.

But nothing could have prepared me for what my four year old and three year old daughters had in store for me.

One day, upon looking out the window and seeing that it was such a beautiful and cloudless day, I thought to myself, what a relief from all that rain we'd been getting these past few weeks. So, having the best intentions in mind, I decided to "order" my children to play outside and have fun. "Hey, you two! It's sunny outside. Do you want to go play outside? Go play outside!"

Well, suffice it to say that when I didn't get the assumed reaction that I had in my mind, I became confused and repeated myself, ordering them once again to play outside, it would be fun.

When my children remained where they were standing, I found myself becoming really upset and opened my mouth to commence sentencing the death penalty, but stopped because curiosity got the better of me.

I took a steadying breath.

"Okay. Mommy wants to know why you two aren't listening when I told you to go play outside. It's nice and sunny, you two should go outside and enjoy the nice weather we're having. So tell mommy why you're not playing outside?"

Both of my daughters looked at me, then at each other, then quickly back at me again.

Finally, what felt like eons later (when you are feeling your blood pressure skyrocket, father time seems to warp the clock up for you), my five year old answered, her eyes tearing up and her voice shaking, four words that just went straight to my heart.

"We don't want to."

Yeah... talk about retardation at the mercy of a five year old.

With those four words, my daughters succeeded in teaching me a very important lesson.

No matter the age or the situation...

a child has prerogatives. Respecting them is ours.

~Mercy~

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Spiritual Warfare

2008-03-29T02:35:15Z

There is a war going on,
Raging from within.
The Spirit against the Carnal flesh,
The question is who'll win?

There is a war going on,
Confusion starts to show.
It hovers, grinning wickedly,
Slowly, everday it grows.

There is a war going on,
Frustration shows its face.
It attacks from every angle,
Starting at your weakest place.

There is a war going on,
Fear moves in to kill.
Its battle cry fills the air,
Its mocking voice, loud and shrill.

There is a war going on,
A light in the dark grows bright.
It kills confusion with its sword,
Slashing it through left to right.

There is a war going on,
The light shines its beams.
Blinding frustration without mercy,
Ignoring its agonizing screams.

There is a war going on,
One more left to go.
Fear is quickly demolished,
The light letting out a battle cry of its own.

There is a war going on,
The light is all around.
Its sword is lifted to the heavens,
Its knees bent to the ground.

It took a while to figure out.
Now I'm sure I know.
That the light that had won the battle,
Was sure enough...my soul.

Written by: Mercy B. Laejer

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In the Mind of Mercy Luis

2008-03-28T14:22:30Z

Hugs and kisses and the I-Love-Yous, Colors of black/pink/gray/white, little hands clinging onto mine, smiles as bright as the sun given freely and without malicious intent, sighs of contentment, words of adoration expressed spontaneously, the alphabet song and any nursery rhymes sung in piercingly high pitched voices, the words muffled and changed as if too hard to remember, titillating laughter bubbled up and released without fear of retribution, beating heart through a t-shirt, lovely lips when relaxed and turned up, being held for no apparent reason than to just breathe, fairy kisses that seem awkward yet amusing...

the love that reminds me of these precious details that make up my life.

Despite the passing of the days that seem to fly by without a care, these are just some of the memories that I will always hold dear to me.

~Mercy~

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Drizt

2008-03-27T14:31:54Z

Drizt

If anyone was to ask me right now at what point of my life do I cherish the most, I would have to say my childhood. Not because it was filled with no cares and no worries, but because I spent that part of my life spending time with my brother, Drizt.

As children, Drizt and I were inseparable. Though we fought like dogs and cats, we always stood up for each other when needed.

As a child, you believe that the person you see everyday, you will continue to see them everyday for the rest of your lives.

I wish that were true. However, life has a capricious sense of humor and I haven't been able to see my little bro everyday. In fact, I haven't seen him in years. We do keep in touch from time to time, but nothing like when we were children. How I miss that with all my heart.

Without him, I would've had twenty voices talking all at once in my head. All of them would be my imaginary friends that i would've had to make up through the lonely years without a sibling.

I miss him and hope we get to hang out like we used to. Minus the dirt and the little stuffed toys.

Besides my husband, Drizt is a part of me.

These are the things that remind me of him: Funny laugh (sounds almost like someone with asthma dying slowly), his big smile, the numerous accents he had, the quirky mind that seemed to go everywhere yet....nowhere, the sharp wit that sometimes got him into trouble, his bad habit of allowing sarcasm to dictate conversations, and his open heart that always made me cry and smile all at the same time.

We had that type of bond that after every fight, we would fall into each other's arms and just cry. Through our sobs, we would try to gasp out our apologies and regrets, even though we would be bleeding and bruising after a beat down we would give each other.

During times when our parents didn't get along or times when there was conflict in the household, we would be each other's shoulder to lean on and have a good cry, all the while assuring each other that everything was going to be alright and everybody else could just kiss our asses.

I miss my brother. I'm tearing up even now just thinking about the good times.

But I know that when I do see him....

I'm gonna kick his ass for sitting on my head during our last fight! Payback is a Mothah!!!

And then I'll cry while telling him I'm sorry for kicking his ass....while sitting on his head.

All this I will do out of love.

Gotta love family.

~Mercy~

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This Present Darkness by Frank E. Peretti

2008-03-27T10:40:28Z

This Present Darkness

Hello Everyone! I just joined the group and would like to introduce myself. My name is Mercy Luis and I'm a 24 yr old mother of three. I'm also married to a wonderful man who is the exact opposite from me when it comes to reading books. He doesn't like to read them. His strengths are focused on computers, being a computer engineer. lol. Whereas I am the bookworm of the family.

I only find it appropriate to recommend for my first recommendation, the first book that I had ever fell inlove with. The first time I ever bumped into this book was when my father bought the audio back in the 80's. When we were children, my brother and I would listen to it right before going to bed...our story-time, I guess you can call it. Fond memories for me and part of the reason why I love this book.

Besides that, though, this book has great imagery and would probably be in the same genre as Stephen King. The writing is similar in most ways.

Anyway, if you are ever near a bookstore or library, I hope you remember the title and look this book up. And if you want, the audio is great too. Frank Peretti does all the voices on there and it is very amusing to listen to.

Hope this helps! Tell me what you think!

~Mercy~

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